Sunday, January 30, 2005

the doctor is sick

(yes, i'm sick all right. i called myself a doctor. the horror!) (and i rhyme, too!!!)

realization of the day: i must've been sickeningly healthy (i like that phrase) for 2 to 3 years now because i don't remember the last time i had colds. the only illnesses that have frequented my body are tension headaches and migraines. not exactly the most comfortable afflictions, but they usually go away in a day or two (or three if the cosmos is punishing me for watching too many episodes of that train-wreck of a show, "the fifth wheel") (maybe i shouldn't have admitted that).

the virus i have is the stereotypical kind represented in movies, the kind that makes your nose explode every 2 seconds, making you an instant wet-tissue generator. and it's not like i can be meg-ryan-nursing-a-cold-in-you've-got-mail cute while spreading my germs anywhere within a 5-foot radius.

(need to mention this: my sisters, who were unfortunate enough to be born with allergic rhinitis*, use white t-shirts instead of tissue. allegedly, t-shirts are kinder to nose skin. of course, this practice gives the phrase "wet t-shirt" a whole new dimension. translation: it is NOT sexy to stumble onto/pick up a damp, germ-laden shirt.)

here's the real point of this entry (and you thought there wasn't going to be any, tsk tsk): i have a question --

are ears supposed to whistle when one is blowing one's nose? (and when they do, is it supposed to sound like a stanza of "i've never been to me"?)

because i don't remember that ever happening, and i was wondering if i can list it as a "special skill" in my CV ("can whistle sentimental videoke favorite through ears during respiratory infections").

*For the layperson: allergic rhinitis = a perennially runny nose (i've probably lost all credibility as a doctor already, so feel free to confirm this yourself. i promise not to feel bad.)

Thursday, January 27, 2005

why 'topi' is a good punchline

"Say all you have to say in the fewest possible words, or your reader will be sure to skip them; and in the plainest possible words or he will certainly misunderstand them." -- John Ruskin

or, as a wise jeep mudguard once put it, "Just be a simple."

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

dugong* in the ugong

this would've been a catchy column title**, except for a few things:

1. although i am overweight in some societies, i don't think i can pass for a oddly shaped sea creature. besides, i hate the water (to swim in, not to clean myself).

2. i don't live in ugong. technically, i live in maybunga. i don't know much about the technical aspects of writing (don't tell my editor), but i have a feeling i should stay as far away as possible from column titles with the word "maybunga" in them.

(hmm. just received an sms with the word "ugong" in it. it's a sign. time to pack up and swim to a new residence.)

*i like saying "dugong."

**whattabout "tagos ng dugong"?

Monday, January 24, 2005

the world as i know it

is it me, or is this a weird name for a tv show:

"Earth: The World's Most Dangerous Planet"

because i grew up believing that world = earth.

so my mind is interpreting that title as: "Earth: The Earth's Most Dangerous Planet" which just doesn't make sense at all.

i have lost sleep over this. every now and then, i think about that title and believe that something is wrong with the world. how can i even comfortably use that phrase now?!

the good thing is american idol has started again.

(this is possibly my stupidest entry yet) (kindly refrain from searching through the archives and suggesting other contenders)

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

intellectual pursuits in a rural setting

(i could start a thesis with a title like that)

had to go to bulacan, birthplace of my parents, last week to attend the last rites of one of my grandfathers (maybe the last one to depart?). the actual ceremony was just over an hour long, so the rest of the day, my sister (the fruit*, not the gross) and i needed something to while the time away -- a challenge when you're surrounded by almost-strangers who still see us as the two little girls from way back, but now with slightly different labels. well at least one of us has a different label.

"oh it's the pretty one! (looking at fruit A) and it's the doctor! (looking at fruit me)"

but i digress (and try to feel sorry for myself but i'm too old for that kind of crap.)

anyhoo . . .

fruit A had a small rubix cube in her mommy bag. if you think working on all sides is challenging, try to do it while the cube is still partially hidden in the bag (somehow, playing with a colorful 80s toy at a funeral seems rude). we took turns at working on the cube, with the noncube bearer working on the daily crossword instead.

let's just say i liked the crossword more. having a messed up rubix cube in one's hand makes one think that maybe, just maybe, all those years of high school, college and medical school were all for naught.

i mean if a good education can't help you solve the *&!^# cube, then what will?

THIS will. or maybe THIS.

(how did i live without the internet, i want to know) (that's the actual title of the song from 'con-air') (i know you're humming)

now where's that fruit's bag?

*her name is apple. get it? apple? fruit? yknow? whoohoo.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

really, it explains a lot

today, over a fried-fish, fried-rice lunch, i found out that my parents are distant relatives.

as to how distant is distant, i don't want to know. not that anyone can explain. according to my dad's precise explanation, they're related because they came from the same TOWN.

spare me the details. besides, if i never hear another rambling discourse from officemate #2 (aka topi, who unsurprisingly knows all about my family tree), it will be too soon.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

rising from the ashes

i want to get a pet phoenix.

only because i've thought of a great name for it.

FELIX . . . felix the phoenix. (obviously, it's pronounced: fee-liks) (unless you want to say feh-liks da feh-niks)

when i told my friend, the UP professor*, about it, he wanted to suggest a less wholesome (but equally catchy) name, but it wasn't quite appropriate to discuss lewd monikers in the middle of a mcdonald's breakfast crowd.

*incidentally, pasig raver was once a student of this UP professor. i don't know and don't want to know what goes on in those UP classrooms.

Friday, January 07, 2005

breaking news

i can finally catch up on current events now that i have more time on my hands. in case YOU need to be updated, i will share an important bit of info from the Philippine Daily Inquirer:



HANFORD, a leading undergarment brand, congratulated Cesar Montano on the success of the movie "Panaghoy Sa Suba," which he also directed, in the ongoing 2004 Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF).

Montano, the leading endorser of Hanford products for the past four years, won the Best Director award during the MMFF awards night held Wednesday.

i hope to see the day my underwear honors me in a national publication.

Monday, January 03, 2005

maybe i should've kissed it first

ha! i remembered! i promised to blog about why the lanai story is important. but now it seems trivial and silly.

(this is why you should blog the moment you feel like blogging. memories and linked emotions fade fast, quite unlike irritating, nonsensical pop hits with repetitive lyrics.)

on second thought, the trivial and silly are all i write about.

and so . . .

it was one cold evening in december. i was deeply engrossed in whatever it was i was watching (so engrossed, in fact, that i cannot remember what the show was) but needed a glass of water (gas a yater, according to juanch) downstairs.

as i approached the top of the stairs, i saw . . . something.

it was brown and spotted and it looked very much like a FROG.

mind you, i am not deathly afraid of frogs -- unlike certain friends, who will be indebted to me for preserving their honor by not naming them -- but there was just something creepy about having a frog INSIDE THE HOUSE.

i wasn't wearing my glasses, so i wasn't too sure about my first guess. it was either a frog or a pile of crap so you can imagine why i really needed to check. with the grace and lightness of a prima ballerina with massive thighs, i leaped across the room to grab them. the glasses, not the thighs.

i tiptoed back, armed with clear vision and a trembling heart, and stared at the suspect.

i confirmed it. it was a motionless but live frog that blended amazingly well with the wooden floor.

my mind raced: how the hell did it get in??? the third lanai, of course! there must've been a hole somewhere (this is when you can say, "ah! so that's why the lanai story is important." you can choose to leave out the "ah" bit). how in the world am i supposed to catch it??? a pail. dirty clothes. a shoebox. a shoe. a pillow. the potted plant. what will i do if it jumps on me??? die.

so i did what any med-school graduate would've done to solve the problem. i used my mobile phone to call my dad who was in his room on the first floor. i would've just screamed but i was afraid the earless frog would hear me.

"there is a frog here!" was my half-whispered, half-wailed cry of help that was supposed to provoke sympathy and immediate action, not an incredulous, "how can you be afraid of a frog?!"

thankfully, my father went up the stairs (smirking), casually grabbed the trespassing amphibian using just a tiny plastic bag, and threw prince charming out the front door (i assume).

and that, boys and girls, is why your phone battery should always be fully charged.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

a work-related entry after a long holiday

checked mail after my bangkok trip (which i will blog about in the next few days, of course. "of course" -- famous last words) (oh and yes, i'm alive. was nowhere near phuket):

the good news is i got a job offer from jobsdb (they've been sending me offers regularly. i think i applied over a year ago, just to keep my possibilities open, not because i knew i was resigning by end 2004).

the bad news is they offered me my old job.

that was my first hearty laugh of 2005. at least i know i was really qualified for the job i left behind. har har har (sniff).

happy new year to my dear orange express*. i have a feeling it's going to be an amazing year ahead.

*we, the unemployed, have to talk to inanimate objects/web sites just to practice our conversation skills.