Friday, August 13, 2004

do not read this entry if you are expecting substance

after one has gone through a series of draining situations in the span of one day, including (but not limited to) ...

- being pressured to work faster by officemates from non-English-speaking countries through a series of emails written in unrecognizable syntax, making you feel like you're reading bizarre subtitles while watching a pirated dvd (or -- for those born in another era -- reading the wrong lyrics from songhits)*

- 2 hours of semi-competitive badminton inside a sauna-like court on an empty stomach

- discovering that you can't work on the 40-page journal you brought home to edit (due first thing the next day, of course) because you forgot that you don't have the software at home and downloading the free trial will take 10 hours and having a generous friend upload the installer to a web site with public folders will take just as long

- getting your already-bruised ego trampled on by a ghost from the past, forcing you to make an otherwise simple decision complicated only by sleep deprivation, hunger, fatigue, work stress, borderline depression and the disturbing lack of comfortable black shoes

... the only thing to do is (you're lost, i can tell. review first sentence and get back here quick) eat a whole box of apple-coated watermelon/lemonade-coated wild cherry NERDS.

which is exactly what i did a few nights ago, after realizing the futility of crying over the full version of adobe acrobat (and the lack of it thereof). i sat down beside my sister who was currently engaged in an 8-episode marathon of 'sex and the city' and proceeded to stuff my face with candy. i figured that if i was going to stress-eat, i might as well stay away from fatty comfort food. after all, a whole box of nerds is just 270 calories and it wasn't full when i started eating. (ironically, the perenially underweight carrie was downing 3 slices of wedding cake while i was enjoying my glucose-fest.)

when i got to the last few pieces, my tongue felt thick and rather sore, not to mention splotched with an attractive red and yellow pattern. when i saw that the tips of my right thumb and index finger were also shockingly red**, i spent a good amount of time in front of the sink trying to brush and wash off the evidence of my defense mechanism.

strangely enough, i felt better after eating the whole box. an abnormal tongue, tinted fingertips and a sugar rush can keep you awake long enough to put everything in perspective.


*my favorite example from JINGLE songhits: "Damned" by Shimoli

(correct lyrics)
Damned, you're one man I just can't stand, you're ...
Damned, you built your castle on the sand, you're ...

(their interpretation)
Damned, you're one man not just extension ...
Damned ...

**note to the nerd-naive: you don't get finger stains if you eat it straight from the box or shove a palmful of nerds into your mouth. my fingers were stained because i was procrastinating by eating it piece by piece.

1 comment:

grossy said...

Thank ME for the Nerds.