Sunday, November 21, 2010

i feel like an overgrown, overfed barbie

i plopped face-down on my bed this afternoon and said out loud, to no one in particular, 'i'm tired.'

martina, who was right behind me, said, 'i can give you a massage!'

i had no energy to run away so she promptly found a comfy seat on my butt cheeks and proceeded to ram her tiny fists into my back. it was not unpleasant and i was starting to fall asleep.

thankfully, this was not the brush
she used today
suddenly, martina grabbed my arms, pulled them closer to her, and started to wave my hair brush over them. when i asked what she was doing, she said, 'i'm putting butter on you with my butter brush.' i was not warned that our massage session would turn into a little barbeque and i was the corn for roasting.

[note: i stayed put because i was still pinned down to the bed and i was silently laughing into a pillow.]

it got confusing after that because martina reverted to being a health and beauty guru. 'i'm going to shampoo your eyes now!' so 'shampoo' my eyes, she did. thankfully, i had enough presence of mind to shut my eyes before she laid her sticky fingers on my lids.

and then, as though this was a logical progression of events, martina announced ... 'i'm going to make a cake on your head!' but instead of a mixing motion, she 'kneaded' my hair with a tremendous amount of energy for a tiny 4-year-old.

as a final touch, she began to spread some imaginary icing over my whole body, carefully using the same hair brush (the 'butter brush' from a few seconds back) as a spatula. she 'iced' my legs carefully and, after careful consideration, shouted (more than once),

'your legs are too big!!!'

[note: thanks, marteens.]

despite the gargantuan logs she had to deal with, she continued her self-imposed job of turning me into a very relaxed, clean, buttered and fully iced cake (or corn?). after she was satisfied, she jumped off my behind and ran off, possibly to inflict her imagination on some other unsuspecting living plaything.


taty said...

cute!! does she do home service...?

orange said...

depends. which version of marteens do you need? the masseuse, the cook or the baker? (or the talking weighing scale?)