wise cracks

i think my facial skin has officially resigned from being a body part.

my face has so many dry patches right now, i'm practically waiting for the day little bits of my face fall off, exposing my oral cavity and nasal sinuses.

the second biggest problem with dry facial skin (the biggest problem: having to throw my modeling career out the window) is having severely cracked lips. these days, i can't eat a burger properly because each pre-bite makes me cry from the pain of having to open wide. i don't sneeze too loud, and my laugh sounds like "BWAHA . . . OOOOUCH!!! HU HU HUUUU . . . HEE HEE HEE." (so that's why the prim and proper folk laugh with a "hee hee" -- you can make this sound when your lips are puckered tight. you can also make a "hng hng" sound, but it makes you sound like a suffocating donkey.)

OF COURSE i've tried to solve my woes -- am just waiting for all the moisturizers to kick in. for my lips, i've tried everything : lip balm, petroleum jelly, baby oil, garlic-infused extra virgin olive oil, the black stuff that leaks from under the car . . . to no avail.

one evening, as i was thoughtfully applying petroleum jelly on the cracked corners of my mouth, i saw youngersistermia watching me. she then asked,

"aren't you disturbed that you're using the same jar of petroleum jelly that we use for our feet?"

"aren't your feet clean when you moisturize them???" i asked incredulously.

"yes, but they're still FEET."

i've been asking my lips if they're sure they want to share a moisturizing regimen with feet (mine and my sister's), but all i'm getting is a "hng hng."