Sunday, March 27, 2005

please, for the love of all that is predictable, don't say it

a few weeks ago, in a startling display of analogy-making and prolonged-adolescence frustration, younger-sister-gross asked me:

"you know how you hate it when people ask you 'where's apple/red?' after they find out your name is orange? well i hate it when people see the mole on my upper lip and say 'AY! you have a mole on your lip! just like lorna t!'"

fighting the urge to pretend that i was sleeping, i replied, "you just need good comebacks."

and being the wise older sister that i was (am), i gave her around 5 retorts she can save for future use (unfortunately, most of them lose their edge when translated into english or are just downright cruel so i refuse to document them here).

this one is my favorite:

"AY! you have a mole on your lip! just like lorna t!"
"i have a mole??? WHAT MOLE!?!"

my advice to people compelled to react to strange names/lip moles: we've heard it all. zip it.

of course, if you think your wisecrack is really REALLY original, then by all means, go ahead and let 'er rip. if i find your attempt genuinely, tearjerkingly funny -- or if you just happen to be kevin bacon* -- i will marry you.

--------------------
*pre-kyra

8 comments:

diwata said...

haha! i'm in love with that butt ugly dude too

Pasig Raver said...

pupusta ko tatlong itlog ko na hindi pa naririnig ni growzee ang wisecrack na 'to:

"ngiti ka nga. baka nandiyan yung footnote*."

--------------------
*diba, original? naduling pala ako sa kabibilang ng mga dash (hyphens according to my american callers).

grossy said...

tatlo itlog mo? bigay mo na yung isa kay lance armstrong. pero baka nakakatawa yung hitsura nung magiging anak nila ni sheryl crow kung kamukha mo. what a pity to the human race.

in other words, BWISET.

Pasig Raver said...

baka tanggihan ni lance yung itlog ko - maitim e. parang braised beef ng chowking.

pero bros, wag mo ko sungitan. ako yung dahilan kung bakit ka may kahalikan nung isang gabi. labs mo ko dapat.

(eng, pasensiya na. piso rin ang text. pero natawa ka daw sa nunal comment ko. witty rin pala ako minsan, puedeng pang eat bulaga.)

grossy said...

ginagawa nating IRC ang blog ni eng. sorry engsters. pero hindi ko kayang magpatalo kay raver.

baka kaya ng magic cream ang braised beef mo.

masyado ka lang bitter dun sa fact na hindi lang ikaw ang hinahalikan ko ngayon.

btw, paolo, meron na akong need for a new comeback for this comment. medyo dumadalas na ang pagkakarinig dito --

"kamukha mo si phoemela."

-or-

"kamag-anak mo ba si phoemela?"

-or equal-

Pasig Raver said...

grosie, try mo 'to:

person1(tagal ko inisip yan): "kamukha mo si phoemela."
grosie: "ows? look at my mole. lolo , lolo, let's dance."

(eng, goal namin sa post na 'to ay paabutin sa 78 ang comments dito. a theological discourse is up next.)

grossy said...

siguro kasama na rin sa mga irritating comment ng buhay mo, raver, ay

"basketball player ka?"

-or-

"kamukha mo si scottie pippen?"

Pasig Raver said...

panalo pa diyan yung mga bibo na lalapit sayo na proud pa na akala mo kung sinong nakadiskubre ng pennicillin sabay bibitaw nang:

"jude law, is that you?"

please, tigilan niyo na ko. jude law? eeww. that's so plebeian.