the new and improved nativity story (2006 version)

it was 10 days before christmas when i received my favorite gift of the season.

my nephew juancho was excited because i decided to sleep at their house that night. as we were getting ready for bed, juanch (who is now 4 years old) brought out an illustrated children's book on the nativity story. he wanted me to read it to him but i let him 'read' it to me instead. he willingly agreed.

4-year-old Juanch, contemplating his pose 

and now, without further ado, here is juancho's version of the famous story:

Mary and Joseph were tired so they were walking around with a horse. (of course it was a donkey in the drawing but he was too excited to care. juanch, not the donkey.)

They were running out of places to stay.

Suddenly, the baby Jesus BURST out of Mary's tummy! (at this point, my sister whispered to me, 'so why is mary still smiling?')

They were surprised. (needless to say. how would you feel if a baby burst out of you?)

Jesus was born somewhere in the Middle East.

They found a warm and cozy place to stay. The baby slept on some hay in a barn.

The three kings came JUST IN TIME to give presents. They gave the baby Jesus a treasure chest, a red box to sleep in (mangers can get boring), and a water jug to put water in.

(at this point, juancho turned to his mom and said, 'mom! i know what to give the baby jesus! WATER!!!')

The end.

by the last sentence, my sister and i were about to 'burst' from trying to contain our laughter. to make it worse, juancho shared another great idea ...

'tita eng! lets go to babyjesus.com* tomorrow so we can find out more about the baby Jesus!'

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas ...



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*we thought there was no such site, but we were wrong. of course juanch wasn't really referring to the actual site, unless it was advertised on the disney channel or somewhere. have the happiest season ever!


*December 2011 updates: I now write my blog entries with correct capitalization; Juancho is 9 years old and tall and smart and still tells good stories ... but only when Martina and I threaten him; and 'Baby Jesus' reminds me too much of Sofia Vergara and a certain Modern Family episode. 

on my way to self-destruction myself

around fall of last year, i was in new york and central park couldn't have been prettier. of course it was the first and only time i'd seen it so i don't really have any point of comparison, but anyway ... you are free to ignore the first sentence. see if i care.

i was walking with a long-time friend (and by 'long-time', i mean we knew each other before either of us was corrupted by the world we are currently bahhumbugging) who flew from canada* to meet me in new york. i did the usual touristy things – gape at the orange-colored leaves, pose strangely in front of the famous fountain (named 'Bethesda fountain' or 'Angel of the Waters', which i know only because i researched for this blog entry), be scared by the running squirrels, and so on. my friend, who wasn't a tourist, did her part by asking complete strangers to take our picture while i silently prayed they wouldn't run away with my camera.

we finally figured out how to get out of the park when we saw them: two men fiddling with a professional-looking video camera.

"oooh. cute," my friend whispered.

"what? him???" i said, being my usual loyal, supportive self.

"yes. cute," my friend whispered again.

"ok, let me get closer so i can take a picture for you." (don't ask. i don't understand girls either.)

so we casually sauntered over to the two guys, who, amazingly enough, looked at us. meanwhile, my friend was taking back her previous assessment: "oh. sorry. he's not cute."

"hey," said guy1 (not the supposed cute one) before we could run in the opposite direction, "would you like to be interviewed?"

"sure," i said, pushing my friend towards the guy (told you i was supportive).

my friend agreed, mostly because (a) she thought it was going to be a WRITTEN interview (um, there was a VIDEO camera, mind you) and (b) she attracts strange situations. but don't let me get started on that.

"WHAT!?!" shouted my then-freaking-out friend. "you're going to film me!?"

"why not," i said, not knowing what was coming next.

by this time, we had a feeling it was going to be for a prank tv show named 'Gullible Girls in the Park' or 'Stupidity is the World's Biggest Killer'. something.

"what's this about anyway?" we ask.

guy1** replied, "the WEATHER CONSPIRACY."

the what???

allegedly, they were working for the Weather Channel and just needed a few video snippets for some show. fine. what wasn't fine was i found out i had to be interviewed as well. if i knew that, i wouldn't have pushed my friend in the first place. there is a moral lesson in there somewhere. i am just choosing to ignore it.

"you can't interview me! i'm not from here! me speaka no eeengleees." (ok, i didn't really say the last bit but i should've.)

"even better!"

arrgghh.

anyway, i ended up making a fool of myself in another country (so what else is new?), spewing out gibberish about how i think the earth is on its way to self-destruction (where did THAT come from?) and that i don't believe aliens have anything to do with global climate.

i had to pick my friend off the ground as she was laughing herself silly, watching my senseless display. needless to say, i can't wait for the next new york visit.

she owes me.


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*interestingly, she LIVES in new york now. and fyi, unless absolutely necessary, we never talk about the weather.

**i realize i never mentioned guy2, the supposed cute one. just goes to show that cuteness – or even imagined cuteness – does not translate to an interesting personality, or the power of speech, at the very least.